Chapter 5

Song Yu Shan’s personal bodyguard was replaced by another person. This one was more experienced. Unexpectedly, Song Yu Shan had become much more co operative once Wu Dashu took over. Difficult to wake her up in the morning? No such thing!Every morning, when Wu Dashu knocked on her door, she was already up and ready to leave? Spoiled and arrogant ? He had never seen such behaviour. Whatever he requested, she would comply, as docile as a kitten. Wu Dashu had been prepared to face an extremely difficult and challenging task. But after a few days, he realised that this task was actually very simple. He even managed to get hours of free time.

He finally concluded that the company must have sent the wrong people to be her bodyguard. Sending a handsome , young man with no experience and questionable ability had been a mistake. No wonder there was so much gossip buzzing in the company! Miss Shui Xin had even been seen crying a few times. Fortunately, Xiang Yu had spoken to the boss and re-assigned Wu Dashu to help protect Song Yu Shan. He, himself had headed back to his old job. Soon after this move, the rumour mills stopped as well. That was partly because no one dared gossip when faced with a blast of an icy stare.

Although no one actually said it out loud, every man in the company secretly admired Xiang Yu. Two girls with such excellent conditions were both enamoured with the same man. He seemed to effortlessly manage both the women to solve the earlier crisis. Shui Xin seemed to have calmed down in the last few weeks. Earlier , she would often throw tantrums, smiling at one moment and livid the next. Now she was quiet and calm. That was still within expectation. Shui Xin was after all quite mature. But to get Song Yu Shan to quietly and calmly accept a change in bodyguards must have required real skill. And he had pulled it off! The little princess was no longer demanding, wilful or arrogant. Everything was proceeding smoothly.


Song Yu Shan screamed, cried and shouted at Xiang Yu. But Xiang Yu was completely unmoved, his expression neutral.

“Why? What did I do wrong? Why are you punishing me like this?” She cried and asked, her voice hoarse. Her eyes were red and her face was swollen. Throughout the afternoon, she had relentlessly cried and screamed, asking for the reason over and over again, but nothing she did could convince him to change his mind.

“ You didn’t do anything wrong”, Xiang Yu explained in an even tone,” it’s just a better option. Wu Dashu is more experienced and he’s available now. You will be safer with him around.”

“ Why did you do this? Do I have any say in this?” Tears were streaming down her face,” I don’t want anyone else. I just want you.”

He shook his head, “ This is the best option for you. Anyway, I was supposed to be with you only till the end of August. We are just doing the substitution a few weeks earlier than planned.”

“ I don’t care. It was supposed to be the end of August. You can’t leave now!” Song Yu Shan ran over and grabbed his arms tightly, as if preventing him from leaving her.

He gently pulled away his hand. ‘ Don’t worry. Don’t make trouble. These things have already been decided. Anyway, bodyguards keep coming and going, hasn’t this happened before? As long as it is someone who is skilled enough to protect you, it doesn’t matter who that person is.”

“ It does matter! You are Xiang Yu, not any other person who comes and goes!” She cried and despite all his attempts to get rid of her, plunged into the circle of his arms and wrapped her hands around his waist. Her sobs sounded like they came from a small wounded animal.Her tears drenched his shirt.

“When you are gone, what will I do? Who will I look for if the bad guys come in the middle of the night? Who will help me look for my favourite toys?”

“ Stop it!” he warned her. Steeling his heart, he pushed her away. “ You will get used to it in no time. Brother Wu is very good at his job. He will take good care of you.”

“ I..I don’t want anybody else…” she was crying so hard she was breathless, “I will be a good girl. I will do whatever you tell me. I will never throw tantrums, I will never sneak out to party, I will not make any trouble…I swear…”. Her face looked really pitiful.

He knew he was being cold and heartless, but he had to do this. The current situation was too complicated. He had no wish to continue in this manner. This was seriously affecting the lives of two, no, three people and if he let things continue, they would soon be left with no solution at all.

Therefore, under the implicit suggestion of his uncle, he decided to get a replacement. Brother Wu had earlier served by the side of politicians and entertainers, he would definitely do a great job. And her tears and begging were just products of a young and childish mindset. She would soon forget all about him. This is what would be the best option for her….

This would ensure that everything was transparent and overboard. This was best for everyone involved. But if this was such a good step, why did he suddenly feel a burst of pain and guilt? What was going on with him? No. He could not allow his emotions to rule over clearheaded logic. After calmly assessing the situation, he knew this was what he should do. He was not going to overthink it.

“ Tomorrow morning , Brother Wu is going to come over.” Putting away his emotions temporarily, he said in a low voice, “ If you keep crying like this, I will leave immediately.”

This threat really worked. Song Yu Shan lifted her head. Her big, tearful eyes looked at him like a drowning puppy . Anyone’s heart would be moved at the sight. 

“ Don’t cry anymore. The napkins are over there.”He pointed to the small coffee table next to them. Her puppy was on top of the table. “ If you listen to Brother Wu, you will be fine.” After that, he really turned and walked away.

Song Yu Shan immediately ran and hugged him from behind.

“ Don’t…” Her little face was flush against his back. Her soft body trembled, and her voice wavered, “ please don’t leave me alone. I am begging you..”

He froze. Even though she was stamping all over her own pride and self esteem, she did not care. The little princess who seemed arrogant and had never suffered any serious pitfalls in her entire life, the little girl who had never needed to beg for anything, was now begging him in a pathetic manner. In fact, she had been begging the entire afternoon.

“Okay, don’t cry.” He took a deep breath. “Go wash your face, get ready for bed. I will wait until you fall asleep.”

Then he would leave and never come back. He had made up his mind and he would not change it.

“ Wait until I fall asleep…”

Song Yu Shan gradually realised that Xiang Yu’s mind was made up and he had no intentions of changing it. She had always known he was cold and ruthless, but she had never guessed he could be emotionless to this level. It seemed as if the past two months meant nothing to him. Their relationship could be terminated at any time, and he could leave with no qualms. All of this was just her imagination. He was just doing his job. How pitiful of her that she imagined they had some sort of emotional connection!

She slowly let go of him. With her head down, Song Yu Shan walked to the bathroom, washed her face , changed to her pyjamas and went to bed. Soon , several water stains showed up on the lavender colored pillow. She was no longer talking, just shedding tears silently. Her huge hazel eyes fixedly stared at him.

Till the last moment, Xiang Yu fulfilled his duties. He walked around the house, making sure that the doors and windows were securely locked and the alarm system was activated.Then he walked back into her room.

“Can you…”, her voice was still hoarse from all the crying earlier, “ can you promise me one thing?”

“ What is it that you want?”

A snowy little hand came out from under the quilt. It trembled slightly as she pointed to the velvet sofa in the corner of the room. “ Could  you sit there till I fall asleep?”

He scowled. There was a brief conflict between his head and his heart. But anyway, nothing was happening tonight, he had nowhere to go. In addition, her earlier behaviour had softened his heart. None of this showed on his face as he nodded.

“ You go to sleep. I’ll sit here”. He turned off all the lights, leaving only the night lamp on.

After crying all afternoon, Song Yu Shan was exhausted in both body and mind. She still wanted to stare at the cold and handsome face…

But soon her eyes closed. Her long eyelashes fanned her cheeks, creating a fan shaped shadow on her wet cheeks. Her breathing gradually slowed. She was asleep.  A long , long time after that, he kept staring at the sweet face. Even in her sleep, she looked sad and lonely.

It was the slight fragrance that he first noticed. The very faint scent of lavender clung to his nose. He knew he was still in the state between sleep and total wakefulness. But the silky feel on his palms was real. It felt like cool silk, soft, smooth and incredible. Without any conscious thought, his hand moved, desperately seeking to prolong the contact. He knew now why children and girls liked plush toys. Was he holding a soft doll in his arms? The warmth he felt from this contact was indescribable. He wanted to hold on to this forever… Unknowingly, his lips curled in a slight smile. Just then he heard someone sigh softly and then whisper, “ Look at you! Why don’t you smile more often?”

Really ? Did he look good when he smiled? He wanted to ask, but when his lips parted, soft lips brushed over them. It felt sweet, but before he could process the feeling,  a tongue touched his lower lip, hesitatingly running across the length of it. He moaned softly and moved forward to capture that soft mouth as sweet as cherry.

He was no longer in calm control. His male instincts had taken over and he plundered her mouth, deeply invading and extracting the sweetness from this mouth.

“ Oh..” the delicate word added fuel to his fire. The soft body writhed in his arms. He tightened his arms and wondered why it was that their bodies fitted so perfectly together, as if this one had been created just for him. His palms roamed down the body, exploring the softness of the skin. They moved under the clothes to feel the abundant curves underneath, exploring them, then skimming across her shoulders till his hands had full access. His palms roved over the tips again and again till the tips tightened and bloomed like sweet little fruits…

He moaned, feeling the blood rush to the lower part of his body. The reaction was instantaneous. He was a young, hot blooded male. How could he resist the siren call of this soft, sweet body….

He tasted something in this kiss. Something salty… Rain or tears! Why would there be rain in a room ? Was it the AC dripping?

Suddenly, he felt  an electric shock had run through his body. He gasped, then pulled out from the kiss as his mind cleared instantly. He opened his eyes ..

Under the faint light of the morning sunshine , he saw a small face , flushed red and  stained with tears. The big hazel eyes were tearful, and the eyelashes were wet. Her lips were soft and pink, and she was trembling.

His whole body hardened. He felt like he had been dunked in a bucket of ice cold water.

He was still on the sofa by the bed. Song Yu Shan was sitting on his lap. She looked like a small kitten, completely entrapped in his arms. The straps of her singlet had been pulled down to her waist. His hands… one was pressed against her thighs while the other one was on her breasts..

“ What the hell!” His face was shocked and the expression on her face changed. The ecstasies on her face disappeared, replaced with amazement. She looked at him silently. Her expression told him a thousand things, but none of it was voiced out.

“ You.. what are you…” his voice wavered. He was obviously shocked. Then the shocked expression changed into one of heavy condemnation and disapproval of her. It was unforgivable for a man to attack a woman. But it was equally unconscionable for a woman to take advantage of a man who was sleeping. What’s more, she was still very young. Did she even know what she was doing? Even if she did know, she could not possibly understand what could happen when the baser instincts of a man were inflamed. If he had not woken up in time, at this moment, she would be under him, submitting to his demands…

Xiang Yu was very sure that Song Yu Shan would not resist, but that did not mean he was a willing participant to this little game of hers!

“ I was just trying to wake you up. Who asked you to look so cute when you are sleeping?” She deliberately used her cute voice, trying to lighten the atmosphere. ‘It’s no big deal if it’s just a kiss, right?”

But her efforts were useless. His face was still cold and withdrawn.

“ Go sit over there.” His voice was like ice. He had fully grasped the situation and his iron will had reappeared. He was probably the only man who could command an almost naked woman to leave his arms when he was so turned on.

Song Yu Shan stood up sullenly, bowed her head, and sat on the bed.

“ What were you trying to do?” he asked. His cold anger felt like a physical blow. “ Is this how you behave in the US? Taking the initiative to hug a man? Aren’t you worried about the consequences of your actions? Why would you do such a thing when you are still so young?”

“ Ofcourse not!” She looked up quickly with a horrified expression, “ Just with you. I just want to be with you…”

He scowled and rubbed his forehead. He was trying to put a lid on his anger. Then he sighed.

“ You are  confused”, he tried to explain in a calm tone, “ you are just eighteen. In the future, you will meet a lot of people. I am not what you want. This is simply an infatuation and you will soon get over this.”

Her beautiful eyes  stared fixedly at him. She did not try to clarify or justify. As he looked at her, his whole body felt strange. She was so young and delicate. Under the morning light, her  blooming youth looked so charming and innocent. He was sorely tempted. This was like the apple in the Garden of Eden. He knew this was taboo, but it was so hard to overcome this temptation…

No, he could not and would not do that. He made up his mind to leave as soon as possible.

“ I should go”.

He stood up, ready to leave. In fact, he should have left last night. Who would have thought that he would fall asleep on the bedside sofa? But it was useless to blame himself right now.

“ Take care of yourself. Don’t be so wilful. One day, you will meet a man who will be really good to you. Then you will forget all about me.”

“ I wont”. She looked up and answered in a low voice. She was crying now, her tears raining down her face. “ I only want to be with you. You are the only one I love, the only one I want, the only one I want to have a baby with, the only one I want to cling to forever…”

“Shan Shan!” He raised his voice slightly as he interrupted her. “You need to grow up. This is a childish fantasy. Love is a two way street. You can’t force someone to love you. Cherish yourself and give up this unrealistic idea. Do you understand what I am saying?”

 Xiang Yu was probably the only  man in this world who could coldly refuse the love declarations of a beautiful young girl like her and even attempt to explain why.

Although she was young, who was to say this was not true love?

Xiang Yu turned around and started walking. This time she was unable to control herself and the sound of desperate sobbing filled the room. It sounded like her heart was breaking.He hesitated.

“ Don’t…don’t look back. Please do not look back”. She was crying heavily now, but she still tried to finish her sentence. “ Don’t look at me now. I look ugly, ugly. I don’t want you to remember me like this. I don’t want my ugly, crying face to be the last thing you see…”

He remembered how she looked when she wanted to be pampered. He remembered her expression when she was happy. He remembered how she looked when she was up to some mischief. He remembered how she looked when she was angry…

And he certainly remembered her tears when her heart broke. She looked so confused and helpless..

“ Shan, you.. you will soon forget me”. He didn’t look back but continued calmly, “ Please listen to me. Take care of yourself, you hear?”

He didn’t  wait for her answer as he strode out of the room.

This time he had really left and was never going to come back.

After this, the excitement of that summer came to an end. Everything returned to a peaceful and ordinary state.

14 thoughts on “Loving You Is Too Difficult – Ch 5

  1. I agree with what he did, coz in real life she would grow up and change her mind and even see this as him taking advantage of her (if he had consented), how much older is he anyway?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think he’s seven years younger. Have to go back and check. I think he is twenty five to her eighteen. Maybe he did take the right course of action and under normal circumstances it would have been fine. But a lot more other things happened … without giving away too much that’s where the angst comes from 😁


  2. maybe I’ve read too many counterattack novels, but this is exactly in line with typical white lotus behavior. 😂 Shows her actions in previous chapters were definitely suspicious. The so-called “I just wanted to borrow him for awhile, why won’t she let me?” pfft. Clearly you knew your bodyguard had a girlfriend but tried such a thing when he was sleeping… A+

    Liked by 5 people

  3. ouch… First love – who ever said it does not hurt!!! I will always remember my 1st love and that was 28 years ago!
    Our soul has unlimited space for love. Who knows when does one fall in love and at what age.
    Thank you for your beautiful translations!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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