Chapter 39 – Jealousy
Li’l second conveyed Zhong Yuan’s message, but I didn’t go downstairs to meet him. I really wanted to avoid him at the moment. With my conflicting and confusing mood swings, I was scared to meet him. Anyway, Zhong Yuan was a smart man. I was sure he would not die of starvation even if he did not have his meal card with him. I had decided to confine myself to the dormitory that weekend. I subsisted on a few bags of instant noodles that were near expiry. I had not eaten instant noodles for a long time. Zhong Yuan had high standards for food and he never ate junk food. Since I was with him every day, I had fallen into the same habit.
I poked at the steaming instant noodles in front of me and sighed, why did I think of Zhong Yuan whenever I did something?
I logged into the campus forum out of sheer boredom and typed the word “ Zhong Yuan” into the search box. I wasn’t disappointed. There were several pages of relevant content, ninety percent of which was gossip. Each of these gossips involved some girl or another. Once, I was fortunate enough to be featured in these pages with Zhong Yuan. I remembered that I had requested him to clarify things immediately. Now, when I thought about it, I felt it would have been nice to let things be …
While I thought about this, I clicked on the latest post. The protagonist of this was one of his female classmates. It was said that they were seen doing homework together often which led to cultivation of ‘improper gender relations.’ The post also mentioned that this girl had been the school flower in Zhong yuan’s school. A few pictures of her had been posted in the forum, She looked ok. I personally felt she couldn’t hold a candle to our school flower. Oh, I forgot to mention that our school flower was me!
Ok…ok. I knew this was a very narcissistic thought, but I needed to invigorate my fighting spirit!
As I scrolled through, I came across some pictures of the lady in question and Zhong Yuan It looked like they were dressed for some formal occasion. The girl’s outfit was beautiful and Zhong Yuan’s clothes fitted him really well. He looked slender and in shape. I was almost drooling! Ah! Love was a really perverted emotion. It made people subsist on instant noodles for years and it also made one think that the other person looked extremely handsome in whatever he did, even sneezing.
Ok. I admit I was very jealous but I had to admit he looked extraordinarily handsome. Most important of all, Zhong Yuan was smiling at her! They were both looking at each other and smiling. The kind of soft smile in his face was not something I had ever seen on him when I was with him. So it was true what people said about boys being attracted to the sexy girls! If I put on makeup, I was sure I would look no less beautiful…
Forget it! Who was I kidding? I had no cleavage worth boasting of!
I closed down the page. I was really depressed now. I knew my emotions were too susceptible to Zhong Yuan’s actions, but I did not know how to control them. I could not stop thinking about him and I could not stop paying attention to his every move.
It seemed my relationship with Zhong Yuan was like that of a hen and chicken. A hen could have many chickens, but a chicken had only one hen. No ! This analogy was inappropriate! It was more like a moon and stars. He was the moon and I was the star. The moon was unique and attractive in everyone’s eyes but there were many stars in the sky.
I kept telling myself that there were already many scandals about Zhong Yuan; that this girl was just one of the many stars that surrounded him, but a voice kept echoing in my head – what if this time it was true?
I was depressed all afternoon as I mulled over this. In the evening, I realised that I had been confined to the dormitory for over two days. I needed to go for a walk and I needed to deflect my thoughts in some other direction. What’s more, after eating instant noodles for two days for all four meals, I felt like I had suffered a huge physical and mental blow. I needed some comfort. I planned to go to the supermarket and use Zhong Yuan’s card to comfort myself from the heartache I suffered because I was desperately missing him.
But in the supermarket, I caught sight of the very person I had been afraid to meet all this time. In addition, he was with the protagonist of the gossip blog. The two of them were laughing as they queued up in front of the cash register. The school flower smiled beautifully, and I could almost see her drooling!
There was a strong sense of discomfort in my heart. I lost the will to buy anything. I quickly turned and left the supermarket. Once outside, I started walking aimlessly on the road, kicking the snow under my feet out of sheer frustration. The scene I just saw was running through my mind, followed by the photos I had seen on the forum. They wore similar clothes, they truly looked like a well-matched couple…
As my frustration amplified, I started thinking increasingly wild thoughts. It was at this point that I bumped into a person. I looked up, intending to apologise, but when I saw who it was, instead of saying sorry, I just looked at him with my mouth gaping wide.
Then anger took over. I sneered at him, “ Why are you alone? Where is the school flower?”
Zhong Yuan looked at me quietly, then curled his lips upward in a slight smile. “ Are you jealous?”
At being exposed, I was both angry and embarrassed. “ What nonsense!” I exclaimed.
But as soon as those words were out of my mouth, I was suddenly pulled into his arms. His strong familiar arms engulfed me.
Zhong Yuan rested his chin on the top of my head as he tightened his arms around me. Then he sighed softly and almost whispered, “ All my internal organs are twisting in pain. Why don’t you understand?”
Miumiu – Aha ! So we still have Zhong Yuan confessing first. He has been trying to manipulate Mu er to say those words first but she’s just too low in confidence to understand his feelings for her. She’s been torturing herself with thoughts of how he would make fun of her. Poor Mu er!.
The next chapter is my favourite where we see ZY’s POV. It’s not in first person, but nevertheless, it shows just how much ZY cares and when he first started falling in love. Frankly Ch 40 is my favourite because I’m a sucker for caring men 🙂 I don’t want to oversell it though… let me know your thoughts in the comments section. Maybe because this novel is quite straight forward, I don’t see too many cmments but frankly that’s what keeps me motivated. Else, I feel like no one is reading and I lose interest 🙂