Loving You Is Too Difficult – Ch 9.1

Chapter 9:

Miumiu – So if you thought everything was now resolved and we just have a few chapters to detail the ‘happily ever after’… well it wasn’t. Did you notice the small foreshadowing in the last chapter – “ She had no reason to fear him, except the fear that someday he would leave him”

Xiang Yu was exhilarated that everything had progressed just like he had planned. But Song Yu Shan clearly had other thoughts..

The day after they made love for the first time, he went to work in a joyous mood. The kind of pure male satisfaction he felt was indescribable. He knew she would probably feel tired and a bit sore, although she was unwilling to admit it. But he was a bit worried. Only a few hours later, he wanted to hug and caress her again. Therefore, in the afternoon, he took an hour off to go home and see her

He surmised she would probably be still in bed. He couldn’t really blame her. Last night, this morning, on the bed, in the bathroom…how could she sustain her energy with such wild plunder when it was the first time of her? As he thought about her, his lips curled into an unconscious smile and there was a gentle expression on his handsome face. If he could see himself in the mirror, he would probably scare himself with the caring expression on his face. He had never known that sex could be so perfect, so fascinating.

As soon as he unlocked the door, he walked briskly to the master bedroom. This morning, he had left her in the middle of the big bed. After kissing for a long time, she had mildly protested and he had left her, smiling, as she slipped back to sleep.

But now.., the room was empty.

The pillows and bedsheet had been messed up by the two people in the throes of passion. Now they had been carefully tidied. The clothes that had been carelessly thrown to the floor had been picked up. His room looked exactly the way it had been before the tryst. In other words, it was empty.

“ Shan Shan?” he smiled and called out. There was no response. He frowned and looked around. There was no one ! No one! Song Yu Shan had left. She had even cleaned the bathroom. To put it simply, it looked like she had never been there. But the memory of their ecstasy deep within was certainly true. Xiang Yu was very sure that last night and this morning, in his arms, under his body, pressed against the side of the bathtub, Song Yu Shan was clearly willing, eager and had responded enthusiastically.

Then why was she behaving this way ? Her sudden disappearance without telling him anything felt like the old tricks of the heroine in a melodrama who had been wronged. He felt a strong sense of anxiety in his heart. He had to find her now!

Monday was the weekly off in the library, so she would not be in the library. There was no phone at her residence and the mobile phone had been turned off.  Xiang Yu felt his head aching. He realised that the time for his afternoon meeting was approaching, so he was forced to hand over his search mission to  Miss Hu

“ Call me when you find her”, he instructed her. M

Miss Hu was a bit confused. “ But don’t you have a meeting now?”

He only looked at her with a ‘so what if I am’ expression. Miss Hu, who was extremely perceptive, immediately lowered her eyes. In reality, she actually wanted to laugh out loud, but she didn’t dare. She bit her lips and tried to hold back the laughter. The wise and serious extraordinarily talented young boss was actually not a workaholic or cold-hearted. For the object of his affections, he was as soft hearted as any normal man. From the United State to Taiwan, Hu Qioalan was the most effective assistant to Xiang Yu. Even after retruning to Taiwan, she had chosen to remain by his side. As long as it was anything other than official business, she would always get the instruction, “Ask Miss Song if she likes it.”

In the company, Mr Xiang Yu was the one who took all decisions, whether big or small. But anything outside work, whether it was the material of the sofa or the colour of the bathroom towel, it was always “Ask Miss Song.”

And now, he was so worried. Love should be like this. Hu Qiolan smiled and promised her master she would get to the bottom of this very soon.

Miss Hu’s efficiency was really not overrated. After two hours and forty five minutes, she found Song Yu Shan. After receiving a call from her, Xiang Yu looked at the senior managers who were in the meeting with him. Ofcourse it was not possible for him to immediately end the meeting and rush out of the meeting room. How would that go down with these people ! After all, he was the President of the Asia Pacific region! So he continued the meeting for another twenty minutes before he ended it. The meeting ‘only’ ended an hour earlier than scheduled.

The driver was also able to understand the silent emotions of his master. He smoothly sent him to his destination as quickly as possible – Miss Song’s library.

Xiang Yu thought that he would have to knock the door or press the bell. Then probably some sort of security guard would appear with a walkie talkie and escort him to the library. Instead , the glass door of the library stood ajar. The counters and reading areas were quiet and empty. The long table was polished and the potted plant in the corner was thriving. The curtains fluttered slightly in the breeze. The radio under the counter was playing soft music.

But there was no one in the room. Frowning, Xiang Yu stopped for a moment. Within a few seconds, the deserter arrived in his view, carrying a stake of books. She was humming along with the music. She was dressed casually and looked younger than her twenty five years. There was no trace of makeup on her face. When he looked at her carefully, he could see the faint dark circles under her eyes. Last night, and this morning he had tired her out. Today she had no reason to come to work. But she had escaped from his home and decided instead to do hard manual labour. What was she thinking!

Cough! He cleared his throat.

The sudden noise alarmed her and she lost her grip on the books. The books tumbled down. Some of the hardcover books dropped on her foot. Song Yu Shan inhaled sharply at the pain, then instinctively jumped back. Then she immediately squatted down and started to tidy up the books.

She didn’t dare look at the handsome man standing by the door. Because… as soon as she looked at him, she was reminded of her shameless enthusiasm and passion and felt embarrassed. Wasn’t he supposed to be at work?  Wasn’t he supposed to be knee deep in meetings, talking about deals worth billions of dollars, just like her father and grandfather, so that, just like them, he was left with no time to be concerned about her? Why had he suddenly appeared here?

Xiang Yu walked up to her and gently pushed her away. In a voice tinged with annoyance, he asked , “ What are you doing with so many books ? Let go!”

Then his tall body squatted and picked up all the books effortlessly.

“ Oh, I was just….”she said as she reached out to take the books from him

“ Let go”, he repeated, “ Where do you want to put it?” He still sounded unhappy.

Song Yu Shan dared not say more. She didn’t even dare to look up to him. With her head down, she strated walking towards the store room as she replied, “ I need to take them back to the storage room.”

Cold faced, he walked behind her silently.

There were several books in the ground. Clearly, this was a result of her hard labour. Looking at the thick stack , he frowned.

“ Did you carry all these books?”

He seemed to be castigating her. He put the books down. Straightened up, took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. Song Yu Shan stared at his muscular arms. The lightly tanned skin formed a startling contrast with the pristine white shirt. When he thought about his whole body which was similar tanned, about how these big hands had caressed her body all over, making her feel as if she would melt… her heartbeat accelerated, her cheeks flushed and her ears and neck turned red.

“ How many more books do you need to move?” Xiang Yu asked as he walked towards the exit. He stopped when he saw her face. She was blushing furiously. It struck him then that she had refused to look at him directly ever since he had appeared here. He narrowed his eyes, “ What’s wrong with you?”

“ Nothing, nothing.”

“Nothing? Then why are you not looking at me? “ Xiang Yu stepped back in the room. He leaned against the doorway with his arms crossing over his chest.

“I.. I…no no ! I don’t dare to…”, she stammered out her answer but her eyes were still downcast. “ Just keep the rest of the books on the table. Anyway, I am done here. Just keep them there and I will tidy up later. I’ll leave now.”

But was it so easy to escape him? She walked quickly to the door. She felt as if the walls of the room were closing in on her and was desperate to leave the room, even though she knew it wasn’t the room but the tall man at the door who was the reason behind her roiling emotions.

“Ah!”

He caught her from behind and pulled her to him so that her back was pressed against his chest

“ You are clearly avoiding me”, he spoke softly near her ear, his tone mildly arrogant .”Why? Did I hurt you ? You didn’t like it? The first time is always a bit painful, I’m really sorry.”

Song Yu Shan’s face burned. Turning, she buried her face in his hard chest and muttered indistinctly, “ No, no.. don’t say that!”

” Why didn’t you stay at home and wait for me ? Why not rest today ?”

She didn’t answer . After a long time, she sighed gently.

How would a man understand? She had entrusted her whole being to one person and allowed him to occupy her without holding back anything. Her world had transformed since then. She felt like an entirely new person, a woman who had said goodbye to the innocent girl of the past. How could he understand these feelings?

She did not regret giving him her purest self, but later, she did not know how to face him. So she hid. She wanted to be on her own as she sorted through her various confusing and contradictory thoughts. But a few hours on her own had failed to calm her down. That is when she decided to do some hard manual labour to divert her attention.

But he had found her. And now he was acting so arrogantly! She pursed her lips and asked, “ Is that what usually happens with every woman you sleep with? Do they wait obediently at home for you to come back?”

Xiang Yu frowned. What was she talking about?

“ Why are you saying this?” He tightened his arms around her to prevent her from breaking free. “ You know that’s not what I meant..”

“ Ok, what did you mean then?”she asked as she continued to push against his chest to free herself, “ I was a willing participant. You don’t need to feel as if you need to take all the responsibility for what happened.”

Xiang Yu felt like someone had struck a blow on his chest. Responsibility? For the whole day today, he had felt like he had lost his soul. He was acting abnormally. Yet, he had never even thought about this word – responsibility. So if what he felt was nothing to do with responsibility, what was causing it?

What was going on ? Looking at his cold and gloomy face, Song Yu Shan lowered her head and softened her voice, “ I know from the past that you are a very responsible man. But I don’t want you to feel responsible for this.”

“ You know from the past…”, he couldn’t help repeat her words.

“ How was it for you ? I was too clingy, right? You couldn’t get rid of me no matter how much you tried, right?” She smiled. “ I know. You must have hated me then. But rest assured, I am no longer like that. Really.”

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her slender back. He could no longer identify the turbulent emotions in his heart. Was it anger he felt, or pity? Was it longing or agitation? Or was it…. But he was certain of one thing. She had really changed. And the other thing he was certain of was that he did not like this transformation at all!

Miumiu – XY sure is struggling to understand why she is behaving this way but the author is leaving lots of little clues. SYS doesn’t expect him to be concerned about her because like his father and grandfather, they have multi- billion dollar deals to crack and have no time for her.She doesn’t want to cling to him like last time because she thinks he hated her then. My heart really broke when she smiled and assured him that she had changed. So how does XY resolve these deep-seated abandonment issues that make her keep him at a distance?