Chapter 33 The main characters in the film
“Hey, Xiaojie? Well, yeah, didn’t you tell me…. you must know blockhead, it’s Mu er, from your environmental protection club’… Don’t worry, she looks so good. …… Right, I think she is a good fit… Yeah, the hair style is also very suitable, just right… What? Wrap her chest? No no, she doesn’t have too much…”

I sat on the sidelines with black lines on my forehead . I resisted the urge to swear at her and continued listening to Xiao Er as she spoke to Xiaojie.

The two continued their discussion for a long time till Li’l Second finally hung up. After hanging up the phone, she looked at me excitedly: “Hey, Xiaojie said that she recently met a new student in the philosophy department. He is very handsome and has promised to act in this drama.He will be the lead. ”
I was not excited by the news at all, and replied lazily: “Is it?” I don’t know how Xiaojie tricked the poor student.

Li’l Second grabbed my hand  and continued to talk excitedly. “Originally,  I wanted Zhong Yuan to play the role. Although his temperament is more placid than Lu Zijian, but he is still more than enough to dominate you. How do I do this, both actors will be the main protagonists ?”

I shook my head wearily . “Do not worry, Zhong Yuan will not play such a perverted character.”
Li’l Second grabbed my collar so hard I yelped with pain. “Block head, you are the one who is perverted, you are perverted! This is art, you just can’t understand!”

I pried her fingers off my collar  and said calmly: “Well, actually, Zhong Yuan hates  people who try to take advantage of him. If you have the guts, you can go ask him.”

Li’l Second was silent.

I knew that Zhong Yuan had a strange ability. He had a good temper and I had seldom seen him get angry. In fact, he was quite cheerful and got along well with others. But there were some things that touched his bottom line and few people would dare to do those things. For example, Li’l Second had been acting arrogantly with me all throughout the day, but when she heard that Zhong Yuan hated the people who tried to take advantage of him, she would never dare mention her proposal to him. That was not true in the case of Lu Zijian. Even though he had the same temperament as Zhong Yuan , he was often bullied. In fact, lil second used to constantly call him ‘pitcher’. When Lu Zijian realised what it meant and asked her to stop calling him that term. But she did not relent. It was only later when Miss Fourth taught Li’l Second a lesson that the bullying stop.

(Miumiu – the actual word is xiaogong in Chinese which means the dominant partner. Pitcher is a slang in English which means the same thing. Now my mom will worry why I’m googling gay

I have been thinking, how insidious did a person need to be to reach Zhong Yuans level!


In the evening, I realised Xiao Jie herself was the director. The two male protagonists of the film ( umm..actually I was the heroine, damn it) were supposed to meet in the coffee shop and get to know each other while discussing the specifics of shooting the film. We also invited the producer and screenwriter, which was Li’l Second.

When I saw the legendary handsome young man from the Philosophy department, I was rooted to the spot.

I couldn’t believe it! Of all the handsome guys in B University, how could Xiao Jie choose him?

Su Yan saw us and ran to me in surprise. He smiled and asked me, “ Mu er, the woman who’s playing the other hero is you ?”

I pulled Li’l Second in front of me. “ Classmate, you have misunderstood. I am the screenwriter, here’s your partner.”

But Li’l Second spared not a minute’s thought before she betrayed me. Su Yan wrapped an arm around my shoulder. He looked pretty pleased. “ Mu er, don’t be shy.”

I was really annoyed. I pried his arm off my shoulder and turned to Xiaojie. “ Director, can I ask to be replaced or can you get someone else in his place ?”

Xiao Jie glared at me, “ No.”

Due to Su Yan’s extreme cooperation and my very visible dissatisfaction, the talks in the evening were neither a success nor a failure. In fact, I didn’t deliberately set out to create trouble, but I was not at all comfortable acting as a couple with Su Yan. Irrespective of whether his feelings for me were true or false, he had been interested in me. In fact, even now, it seemed like he was still interested. With this kind of past and present relationship between us, it was inevitable that play acting as a couple would be extremely awkward.I was the kind of person for whom feelings were unambiguous. If I liked someone, it was fine, but if I didn’t like someone, I didn’t want to have anything to do with them.That person would be better off staying away from me as much as possible.

As we walked back from the coffee shop, both Xiao Jie and Lil Second sneaked off, leaving me and Su Yan alone.

Su Yan and I were side by side, walking slowly under the orange street lights.

“ Mu er, do you hate me?” He suddenly stopped and looked straight at me, asking me this question in a low voice.

I shook my head,”No.”

“Then why are you not accepting my proposal?”

I grabbed my hair in frustration. “ Hey, I have a boyfriend. You are trying to be a third party in the relationship. That’s very bad.” Sorry Zhong Yuan, I needed to use you at this crucial moment.

Su Yan laughed out loud. He didn’t sound like a young boy when he laughed like that.

“ You don’t have to lie.The truth is quite obvious to me. Zhong Yuan acted well, but you were a disaster.”

I lowered my head in guilt, unable to figure out if what he said was real or not.

Su Yan continued, “ So now Zhong Yuan and I are competing on an equal footing. I hope you will not unduly favour him over me.”

I shook my head. “ I’m not favouring anyone, I just don’t like you. That’s the reason I can’t accept you. It’s as simple as that. I don’t hate you, but that doesn’t mean that I like you. Try to understand.”

Su Yan smiled at me. “ You haven’t even tried to like me yet. How do you know that you will never like me?”

Huh? What logic was that ??

Su Yan continued , “ It’s like a snack you haven’t eaten yet. How do you know if it is delicious? Whether it suits your taste? At least, you will take a bite and then decide if you want to continue eating it, isn’t it? This is the same. Give the snack and yourself a chance.”

“You are really eloquent.”

Su Yan was nonchalant. “ I haven’t won anything yet, I just hope that you will give me a chance. Why don’t you test us?Then you can refuse if it really doesn’t work out.”

I scratched my head and conceded to myself that what he was saying sounded right.

“ But…”

“ No”, Su Yan interrupted. Suddenly, he reached out and put his hands on my shoulders. He looked seriously at me. “ I hope that you will try to make this work. When you are absolutely sure that you don’t like me you can push me away.”

“ Oh”. I wanted to say no, but when I saw Su Yan looking so eagerly towards me, I thought what he said sounded right.

So I nodded. “ Ok.”

A warm smile lit up Su Yan’s face.” So you promise you will allow me to chase you?”

I looked at him a bit dumbfounded and said,“ Seems so.”

“ Why are you looking at me like this?”

“ Nothing. I just felt that suddenly you are acting like a normal person. I’m just not used to it.”

Su Yan’s mouth gazed open in surprise.

Part 2 

The next day, Lil Second told Zhong Yun about the movie as if she was snitching on me. She used this way to make Zhong Yuan jealous. But to my surprise, Zhong Yuan was very casual about it and promised to act in the film as long as he was given a leading role in the film.

So there was a small discord within the crew.

The film had two protagonists, one supporting role and the rest were relatively minor characters. At first, the other characters apart from the two heroes were divided up among the members of the film club. Although they were not willing to participate in a movie with a gay theme, they were under severe pressure from the Vice President. So they had no option to refuse.

Since the main  principle of the film was that appearances were more important than acting skills, Su Yan and I were set to play the main protagonists. Now Zhong Yun had appeared. It would be no problem if he was willing to play the supporting role. But this guy was adamant that he would only play one of the main roles.

 Therefore, the situation was this – there were three main actors with only two main roles.

Zhong Yuan sat in the conference room of the film club. He patiently  listened with a smile as Xiao Jie explained her difficulty in assigning characters. What she really wanted to say was that the main roles were already taken, and Zhong Yuan was creating trouble. The supporting role was also very important, it added some key drama to the entire plot…

When Xiao Jie finished, he calmly said, “ Well, you can do as you plan. Pretend I was never here.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Lil Second could no longer sit still. She took Xiao Jie out for a private consultation. They discussed for a long time but could not come to an agreement. Li Second wanted to replace Su Yan, while Xiao Jie insisted on retaining him. The two analysed the problem from all possible sides, but were still in deadlock.


Finally, Su Yan , who had been silent all this while,spoke. “ I can provide sponsorship for the film. Do you need some new equipment?”

When Xiao Jie heard this, her eyes brightened instantly. This was a huge temptation.

But Zhong Yuan immediately piped in with no hesitation. “ Whatever he is sponsoring, I can give the same, or more.”

 And we were back in deadlock. Xiao Jie and Lil Second discussed till there were dry mouthed before finally reaching a consensus – Mu er would decide who among the two would stay !

For a moment, all four pair of eyes looked at me,and all the gazes were so hot I thought I would get cooked.

I coughed and said weakly, “ I have a perfect suggestion.”

“ What?”

I looked at Zhong Yuan, then Su Yan. “ Why don’t I play the supporting role? “

“ No.”

“ I object.”

“I agree.”

“This is a good idea.”

All four voices spoke at the same time. The boys were quite loud after listening to my suggestion , and the two wretched girls , Li’l Second and Xiaojie were surprised . In fact Li’l Second was so excited she patted my head, making my hair even messier.

When Zhongyuan and Su Yan looked like they wanted to continue arguing ,Xiaojie knocked hard on the table with a pen. She said, “Don’t make a fuss , I will follow the suggestion of Muer. I am the director and I have the final say!”

Zhong Yuan looked at me and suddenly smiled. Then he turned to look at Su Yan and said, “Ok, I’ve decided to follow the director’s arrangement.”

Su Yan’s eyes widened as he looked at Zhong Yuan incredulously.

Zhong Yuan turned over the script in his hand. Then he looked at Su Yan and said to him in a serious tone, “ There is a princess carry in this scene. Are you going to carry me or shall I carry you?”
Su Yan looked at Zhong Yuan with an expression as if he had just swallowed a fly. “You really want to act?”

Zhong Yuan nodded. “Of course. I still don’t want to play a supporting role… So tell me , are you going to carry me or shall I ? Personally, I like to carry others, but  of course I will respect your choice.”
Su Yan was furious. “ I will not   carry a man . Nor will I be carried by a man!”

Zhong Yuan shook his head calmly. “You can’t say that. We have to listen to the director.Now , director, I think this script is too plain, not enough drama. I suggest adding a kiss, oh, it’s better if it were to be a French kiss……”Xiao jie held the pen and smiled. “Good, this idea is good.Screen writer, please add this scene to the drama!”

Lil Second seemed to have a nosebleed almost immediately.

Su Yan looked at Zhong Yuan in horror and couldn’t speak.

Zhong Yuan closed the script and looked at Su Yan meaningfully. “Ok, if the director wants to add a kiss to the film, we… do you think we should practice first? French deep kiss…” He said, lifting the chin of Su Yan. His face slowly moved closer…

Lil Second’s nose started bleeding again.

“Pervert!” Su Yan pushed away Zhong Yuan, and stood up from the chair. “Director, I don’t want to act with him!”

Zhong Yuan smiled calmly. “What a joke, you are the main protagonist.”

Su Yan: “I want to play the supporting role!”

Zhong Yuan leaned back in the chair and smiled at me. I quietly erected my middle finger to him in my heart>_<

After the meeting, I walked back alone with Zhong Yuan. I couldn’t help stem my curiosity and finally asked him: “You… could you really stand kissing Su Yan and carrying him like a princess ?”

Zhong Yuan: “Of course not.”

I was bemused, “Then , why did you still insist..”  He was so calm at that time , as if he was completely willing to accept.

Zhong Yuan: “Because I knew, he would not be able to accept it. I just needed  to wait for him to quit.”
I was speechless.
Can anyone be as insidious as Zhongyuan?>_<

Chapter 34  Heartbeat

Lil Second said that she and Xiaojie were running a great danger by filming a boy- girl drama as a BL film. Thousands of ‘fujoshi’ women would despise them if they got to know the actual truth. But she was helpless. It wouldn’t be easy to find beautiful boys. If she really could find two beautiful guys who were willing to hug and kiss each other, that would be a miracle.

Miumiu – fujoshi or funu are women who like BL. For a funny novel on a fujoshi woman , please read rotten girl. Miraesaesang is translating out and it is a laugh riot!

Zhong Yuan and  Su Yan both coughed up their respective sponsorships and Xiao Jie and Li’l second were both very happy. The film club used that money to update the equipment and get several customised clothes for our lead actors. Our college uniforms were really good. When Zhong Yuan or Su Yan wore them, they looked tempting. But Li’l second said I looked like the complete opposite of tempting in my uniform.

Everything was ready, and we started shooting our movie in a low key manner one nice autumn day.

 On the first day, we didn’t do much. We gathered together to discuss the movie, encouraged each other and then went to the hotel for a meal. After the meal, we went to a KTV. As a person who follows the crowd, I was with them too.

While I was eating, Li’l Second and Xiao Jie, these two unscrupulous people , poured me a drink and made me slightly tipsy. When I arrived at the KTV, I followed the group and ordered for a few dozen beers. When they arrived, I reached out to grab a bottle.

Zhong Yuan sat next to me. He snatched away my bottle and frowned, “ You’ll get drunk.”

I replied with fake confidence, “I won’t get drunk. Give it to me.”

Zhong yuan held the bottle away from me. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t get it back from him.

At that moment, Li’l Second held a freshly opened bottle of beer in her hand and grabbed my shoulder. She smiled at me. “ Just ignore him. Come blockhead, let’s drink.” Saying this, she stuffed the bottle in my hand. 

I took the bottle and gulped down the beer, even though I was feeling a bit dizzy. After a few mouthfuls, Zhong yuan again took away the bottle. I was extremely angry and lunged at him to get the bottle back. He hugged me in his arms and said softly, “ Don’t create a fuss.”

My head was getting more and more dizzy. I had no other thought in my head apart from drinking my beer. So I grabbed his shirt and snarled at him, “ You give me back my bottle. Give it to me ! I hate you! Give it back !”

The arm that had embraced me didn’t move . Instead, I heard a voice over my head, “ Do you really hate me so much ?”

I nodded. “ I hate you the most ! Give me my bottle !”

I didn’t get the bottle. Instead, I was held tighter, rendering me breathless. I groaned to express my discomfort.

Suddenly, there was an announcement over the mic. “ This song is for Mu er. From today, I will officially pursue her. Mu er, you have promised to give me a chance, right ?”

I sensed a lot of people watching me so I raised my head with some difficulty and smiled at the audience. Suddenly, I was pulled off the sofa and dragged out of the KTV box. I was dragged way unceremoniously for some time till we stopped. I bumped into someone’s body.

Oh, the person smelled familiar.

I looked up in confusion, then smiled . “ You have two heads. “

His face was a bit fuzzy, I couldn’t see his expression clearly. He held me by the shoulder and pushed me till my back was against the wall. “ Did you really agree to give Su Yan a chance? “

I grinned. “ I just want to drink.”

He raised his hand to rub it across my face. “ Don’t promise him anything.”

I nodded happily and answered with a smile. “ Sure. If you give me my beer, I will agree to anything…”

 I didn’t understand why my mouth was suddenly blocked. Something soft was rubbing my lips, then something slippery entered my mouth. I was unable to breathe. I tried to move my head and open my mouth. My head was captured and I was forced nearer. At the same time, my waist was hugged. The hug became tighter and I started to feel like I was being strangled. But the thing in my mouth was quite interesting. It was slippery and I tried to use my tongue to get a feel of this thing. Maybe it would be better if I could eat it. But the arm at my waist tightened, and suddenly I felt even more breathless.

 I thought I would die, but suddenly I was let go. But only my head was released. The arm around my waist was still there and I felt like I couldn’t draw a deep breath.

Suddenly I felt queasy. Before I could hold back,I puked. Oh, it looked like I had puked on someone.

The voice over my head spoke , “ Is it so disgusting to kiss me?”

I struggled against his hold. “ I’m feeling uneasy.”

“ Do you hate me so much?”

“ You..let me go. I’m feeling very uncomfortable.”

“ Sometimes I really want to murder you.”

“ Let me go.. I want to drink.”

“ Oh forget it, today you’re just talking nonsense because you’re drunk. I won’t believe a word you say.”

“ No!”


 When I woke up the next day, I found myself lying on the bed in the dormitory. According to the boss, I had come back earlier than Li’l Second. In fact, Zhong Yuan had sent me home. More importantly, it seemed I had puked all over him..

 I thought this was a horrible thing to happen to me, Zhong Yuan.. you will surely seek retribution ? He was someone who was very finicky about cleanliness. If I had really done this, god knows what method he would use to retaliate against me. As I thought about it, I broke into a cold sweat.

 The problem was that  no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t for the life of me recall what had happened the previous day.  The last memory I had was that of Li’l second handing me the beer bottle. After that,everything was a big blank.

Anyway, it was useless to get upset over it now. Everything would be clear when I met Zhong yuan.

That morning, Zhong Yuan and Su Yan had a scene. Li’l second and Xiao Jie , these two people had  just ignored me when they were explaining the scenes to Zhong yuan and Su Yan. The scene they were acting…. I flipped through the script.. yes, it was a fight sequence.

 So I tidied up and went to the studio I’m the film club.

 When I saw Zhong yuan, my legs buckled. He was lounging in a chair, the uniform jacket over his arm. He wore a white shirt with an embroidered collar. It was a simple style. His  first button was undone, revealing his collar bone. The autumn morning sun shone through the window in the office and glittered like gold over his hair, on his eyelashes and on the corners of his lips as he lowered his head slightly. From where I was standing, his side profile looked like a work of art. I thought I must have been contaminated with his special brand of evil. How could I think that Zhong yuan looked more and more beautiful ?

 Suddenly, he raised his head and looked at me. I was shocked, and suddenly felt guilty as he had caught me staring at him. I almost turned around and ran away.

He raised his head and called out,” Mu er, come over.”

I smacked my head and wanted to tell him to kill me then and there. But he leaned forward slightly and said, “ Can you tie my tie ?”

There was a smile in his eyes,but it didn’t seem like the kind of smirk that he had when he was playing  a trick. I was a little scared as I wasn’t sure what he was planning to do.

I picked up the tie and placed it against his chest. Then I put it down again and raised my hand to button the first button of his shirt. Zhong Yuan didn’t speak. He faced me with his eyes closed and I didn’t dare look at his face.

 The button on his shirt was cool to the touch, not like plastic or plexiglass. As I buttoned it, I asked him, “ Is this made of crystal ? “

“ Yes”, he said, his voice a bit lazy.

Crystal! I gnashed my teeth. “ Xiao Jie is too biased, giving you such good clothes ! There are no crystal buttons on my shirt!”

Zhong Yuan’s smile could be heard in his voice. “ This is my own shirt.”

I was a little embarrassed at my mini outburst. “ This is too extravagant, it doesn’t reflect the fine tradition of our revolution.”

He was still laughing, “ I agree.”

 I felt a bit strange. Zhong Yuan was in a very good temper today, like a gentle white rabbit. This was not his usual style. But this abnormality only made me more vigilant. Inexplicably, I felt both my hand and face becoming warmer….

Gathering my courage , I said, “ Yesterday….”

Zhong Yuan calmly replied, “ You were drunk.”

“ Yes I know” . I lowered my head in guilt, “ what I want to say is, did I do something bad to you ?”

He nodded. “ Yes”. His voice was low but definite.

My body stiffened and my fingers slowed. “ You…aren’t you angry?” He looked like he wasn’t. But I wasn’t sure if a disaster was brewing.

Zhong Yuan replied calmly, “ I’m not angry.”

I looked up at him in bewilderment. This was beyond my expectations. Since when did Zhong Yuan become so generous ?

Zhong Yuan looked at me and smiled. “ I would be mad to get annoyed with you.”

Just then, a miraculous thing happened.  As I looked at his lazy but dark and bright eyes, I felt a tingling sensation at the apex of my heart. What was happening with me?

I rubbed my chest and lowered my head hurriedly, trying to concentrate on the knot. As my fingers touched his body through the shirt, I felt hot all over my body and my heartbeat accelerated. There was a strange atmosphere between us.

After I finished tying the knot, Zhong Yuan suddenly asked me, “ Have you eaten ?”

I shook my head. “ Not yet. “

He pointed to the table in the corner. “ There’s some breakfast there. “

I looked at him. “ But you’ve already eaten it.”

Zhong Yuan responded, “ I loved it, but I haven’t eaten all of  it. “

I didn’t know what to say. I had just noticed that he seemed to be in a good mood, and now he was teasing me with food. I should have no illusions about this person. 

Gingerly, I walked over to the table and opened the plastic bag.  There was a box of milk, unopened, some bread and sausage, all of them intact and not half eaten.

I was a little touched. In fact, Zhong yuan was not a caring person, but this was one of his occasional good moods.

Miumiu :ha ha  something is happening now in  Mu er’s heart…









18 thoughts on “If you don’t go to hell, who will ? Ch 33

  1. People with thinking like su yan is very annoying. I don’t need to test someone or something before knowing I won’t like it. Like someone once said, can you say you don’t like eating turd when you never tried it? Eat~ eat~ eat~ disgusting right? Please correct your thinking. I understand Mu Er well in terms of not wanting to associate with someone once I know I don’t like them. I’ll rather not have anything to do with them. Don’t like doesn’t mean hate, I just don’t want to associate with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m the same.. but our poor Mu er is too kind hearted. Like she said, she wanted to say no but was swayed by the eagerness in Su Yan’s face. And of course she’s a little dumb so every rationale sounds true to her. ZY has a tough task ahead


  2. Miumiu, I love the comedic tones of this novel. I crack up from time to time. Su Yan seems to be quite a character but so are Muer’s dorm mates. Now, I’m really looking forward to Zhong Yuan’s reactions to the character casting for this BL movie. Please don’t make us wait too long, hahaha!

    Liked by 1 person

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